Day 722

Day 722,
Well everybody said it wouldn't be easy and they were right. If I were to tell you that I've come a long way, that would still be an understatement. I never would have thought that so much could happen just two short years. Obviously by starting this update out by day 722 you probably already figured out that I've remained successful at halting the hustle.
I'll start off by saying that I was right when I said my girlfriend and I wouldn't make it . But we didn't break up because of halting the hustle, we broke up because I fell in love with somebody else. He's been my best friend and my partner through all of this. We've been together for almost the whole two years, through all my high and lows. I'm not saying that is was easy either because trust me we've had our rough times. But I know how with each passing day everything is going to get even better and so far i haven't encountered anything i couldn't handle. We're even discussing marriage. I've got a great job making 60000 a year, it's pretty demanding requiring almost 60 hours a week from me. I've been there for 7 months and look forward to many more. I became a grandma this year and even though my daughter refuses to let me see her I know one day she will meet me and we'll both fall in love. Well in the beginning i talked about the lack of support from my family giving me that motivation and drive to want to improve myself. I wish i could tell you they came around and seen how far I'd come and now we were as close as ever. But nope, with the exception of just a few people (none family), i have done this on my own. I've proven to myself that anything you want bad enough you'll figure out a way. I now have my own home and I'm completely responsible for it and all the bills that come along with it. I just finished my one year lease and am currently on the hunt for something even bigger and better. I have a vehicle and my two kids living at home and we're all doing great.
I still miss Matthew and that situation hasn't gotten any easier. They send me pictures of him every year and thanks to social media i get to see even more pictures of him. I know the pain will never go away but seeing the smiles on his face and the true happiness in his eyes makes my pain bearable. Through it all I've cried a lot lost, confused and praying that my family would be there for me and would have something to do with me and my kids. I've never understood what i could have done to cause them to disown us that is so bad that even when faced with death and a time limit here on earth, it isn't put aside to enjoy the time we do have. My mom is terminally ill and even though I've tried numerous times to reach out to her, I've had no luck. Despite that, i love her and always will. I'm angry though and just tell myself she's just helping me to get use to her being gone. Maybe one day they'll see it the way I do. I was also diagnosed with lupus over a year ago which has helped put things in perspective. Our time on earth is short, so enjoy every minute you can. It's my families loss. I only feel bad that my son doesn't even know what grandparents or aunts or uncles are. And my daughter is old enough to know they abandoned her. It's truly their loss because i have some really awesome kids.
 I took up tattooing, I'm actually pretty good at it, I now I have tattoos all over me. I love them and I'm a lot more interesting to look at. My niece tells me often that she loves me. She says despite the way here mom (my twin sister) feels about me...Ohana, meaning, family never gets left behind or forgotten. She's one special girl, with a good head on her shoulders. So Ohana will be my next tattoo in her honor to remind me not to give up.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I'm sober and clean and completely drug free in my life. But I am going to say, that we all have addictions. Whether it's coffee, ice cream, chocolate, cigarettes, alcohol, pills, porn, shopping, sex, food....we all have our addictions. Being an addict doesn't make you a junkie, unless you let it control your life. I am not a junkie. I am no longer disappointed in the person i am and I'm proud of the mother I'm becoming everyday. Only God gets to judge us. So unless you're perfect, please remember God's word and love one another despite a person's flaw. I'm so excited for the future ahead of me, with or without my family by my side. Because i know God will never give me more than i can handle and with him by my side i can achieve anything!