Day 40: Halting the Huslte

Day 40: Thank you to everyone who has been following my blog, it's because of you all I am able to find the strength to push on. I hit another milestone I had failed to mention. I have attempted to quit hustling in the past and the longest period of time I had quit was 32 days. Being that this is day 41 I have surpassed my previous goal. This time around has been different though, I have never wanted to succeed at something so much in my life. I haven't seen or talked (with the exception of Facebook messages) to my oldest child in over a year, one reason being I was hustling. She also suffers from drug addiction with drugs much more addictive than my drug of choice. She made the decision to run off with her boyfriend to another city several hours away because she seen it as her only way to sobriety. She has little or no contact with anyone of her pass. With the help of NA, her boyfriend and her own personal strength she has remained sober for 16 months, has a job and is working on getting her high school diploma. She doesn't understand that I am open to her choices, I only want the best for her...if this is what she needed to do to be successful I am fully supportive. She has promised that I will get to see her again when she is 18, which is just a little over a month away. Because of this it is extremely important for drugs to be a thing of my past, for her. This has been the hardest year of my life, feeling as if I lost two kids, not just my son that was adopted. I need these holes filled by having all my children I can back in my life.
Tomorrow I will once again face my demons. I will be going to my new job completely sober. I want to be the best and hate being any less, so this has me very scared. I am fortunate that the job shouldn't be more than a couple of hours long, but it does require me to be there at 7am. So I will just pray to my Lord to give me natural energy to get through the day and lots of coffee. Well, off to bed 7am will be here very soon.

"Addiction is not a disease of willpower.

It's a disease of instinct. It lives in the

part of the brain that tells you to breathe."