Day 10: Halting the Hustle

Day 10: Why is it the reality of your decisions always seems to kick in a day late. I am not anymore ahead at this very moment then I was before I made the wrong choice yesterday. Actually, I'm a million times worse off. Ugh, the word addict is such a small word to describe such a HUGE problem. It was 11 years ago when I was snorting that first line off a picture framed with my daughters picture, in my parents living room. I was in my mid 20's and still young enough to pretend I knew what I was doing. I pretended not to be scared, but I was terrified. She knew I'd never done it, but it would be years later I would confess to never even hearing of it before. Yeah you could say I was a little sheltered as a kid. I'd always had a high level of energy, even received an award in high school for being such a fast talker. What I would give to have that natural energy back. I had fallen head over heals in love with her. She took my high energy level as me doing some kind of drug. She told me she was in love with me and wanted to share something with me. I told myself " well if she loves you, then this can't be that bad for you." For the record, this is not something I would give to anyone I love. I couldn't believe how fast everything was going, how easy everything seemed to be. Those lost, confused feelings I was experiencing constantly caused by the divorce I was going through, were suddenly gone. I felt nothing...it felt good. I wanted more, couldn't get enough. When I ask her why she ever showed me something so addictive, her response every time is, " how was I to know you would have such an addictive personality." It's just mind over matter, right? Well, this matter has defiantly taken over my mind.