Day 14: She told me there is no way we're going to make it through this. That I should begin making other plans for me and my children. She won't be used. Wow, who was being used? This is officially day two of have nothing for her to smoke. Day two and she's done with me. I knew it would happen but damn on day two. In the past when I would cry about my addiction, she would laugh at my weakness. She said no drug would ever control her, she wasn't addicted....she could quit anytime.
Last night I was weak. I got a little bit of stuff. I offered to share with her, but she was strong and said no. She took the opportunity to put me down and make me feel like a worthless junkie. It's ok, I deserve it right? But just like clockwork this morning, she woke me up telling me now I needed to get her high. I told her, "yep, I called that one." Treat me like a loser all night, but just fine with it this morning when you want it. She's grown quiet....I get scared when she starts humming her little tones to songs I've never even heard. It usually means this Is only going to get worse if i don't bow down and give in. Well, it's time to face the music.
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