Day 9: Halting the Hustle

Day 9: So I'm sitting here a little blue today. I want to be high and I don't see my mood improving till I am. I would suspect that most can tell from my writings I'm one smart cookie. I carried straight A's almost all the way through to graduation. I'm the type of person that can do anything to at least 95% or better that I put my mind to. I love having a job and working. I know going back to work would make this so much easier. I wish I wouldn't have sold my car, cause now I sit here stuck. My chest is feeling heavy right now, tears are starting to collect in my eyes. I want one of two choices. I want to be able to rewind back to before all the drugs or be able to fast forward to the part where it's easier and my life is starting to come together. Even if I'm only allowed to be there for a couple of minutes I would be able to see that it is in fact going to get better. I need a miracle, aren't I allowed to catch a break a couple of times in my lifetime. I need someone to just show up and say, here's a car and a job......show me how bad you want it. Yeah, only in my dreams. I know I'm asking for things to be handed to me, I'm looking for an easy fix. But dammit I'm to tired and drained to have to work hard at anything right now. I've never, ever been the type of person to ask for hand outs, I've always been the one giving. So isn't it alright to ask for help when it matters most and it's for the right reasons.